Hurricane Rick
by HookahSocialism
Summary: Rick turns himself into a Hurricane and sets his sights on Florida.


Morty is watching some smutty Brazzers video and looks around before going to jack it realizing things are awfully quiet.

He sighs and gets up to look around for Rick. Opening doors "Hey uhhh Rick...oh" he does this several times and even in the garage theres no sign of him.

"Morty...(belch)"

"Rick? Where...where are you Rick? Are you invisible or something?"

A brisk breeze blows Morty's face.

"Even more ingenius of me Morty...im the air!"

"Wow Rick thats...that sounds like some sort of LSD trip or something."

"Im the fucking wind Morty! Do you have any idea what this means?!"

"That...you'll never get hot and I won't have to see you sitting naked on the couch complaining again?"

"I...well yeah. But even better than that I am omnipresent Morty. I can see everything globally. No longer confined to my petty perceptions and emotions. So what im gonna do Morty is gather momentum down the gulf and than rock Florida like a hurricane."

"Oh geez Rick..."

"Its a pun Morty."

"I get that Rick I just...I dunno you don't have your emotional hangups or intoxication and somehow your first thought was to destroy Florida?"

"Well actually my first thought was to destroy California. More moderators there Morty..."

"Yeah I know Rick...mods are bad."

"THEY'RE MORE THAN BAD MORTY. THEY FUCKING RUINED THE INTENT OF THE INTERNET. Why...(Belch) why am I gonna be worried about some North Korean despotic views on free speech if i can be banned everywhere for saying poop? Banned by pedophiles and tax evading losers Morty...all the while somehow a faggot employer could find the poop post and fire me over it? How was I person enough for poopposting to carry over into my work life but not to be protected from getting banned by a lawful barrier of human rights? Answer me that Morty!"

"Geez Rick I du'nno... I'm I'm just saying. Ok fine...btfo California."

"Pay attention Morty. I've madeup my mind on Florida. In my infinite wisdom I have decided this would better serve the cause."

"Uhhh I I dont know Rick...I mean you sure sound like your typical self despite being the elements now. I mean heck you still burp."

"(belch ugggh) Well I'm just telling you Morty cause I like you. I've had at least seven Morties and you are by far my favorite one."

"WHAT?!"

"Gotta go Morty...my compressed monentum wont build itself. Imma go to the Carribeans and look at the cuties while I gather force."

Later that week Morty is walking by and sees Beth glued to the t.v.

"Those poor Floridians... Texas just had a huge hurricane now it looks like Florida will be even worse!"

"Mom...what if I told you Rick is the one doing all this?"

"Oh comeon Morty. Your grandpa is...eccentric but he's not a sociopath! He...ok yeah it probably is him."

"I I just dont see the point."

"Your grandpa is a very depressed but very smart man Morty. He probably figures a panic like this could force a lot of people into an existential quagmire. You see Morty we adults have more to worry about than just the preassure of a job or our relationships. We have a responsibility to everyone around us. We gotta worry about our kids, ourselves, etc. And our choices are so limited. Imagine if it was here Morty. Imagine we had to make the decision to leave or stay."

"Well...we leave obviously. I mean it sucks if the house is demolished but it beats dying."

"Does it Morty? What do you go back too? What do you do after? What if you leave and nothing happens than you're out two...three weeks wage preparing? What if you leave and something happens along the way? There is just so much shit that can happen Morty. You're backed into a wall and forced to make an uneducated decision. You just...you just never know. Anything you do in life is just another regret another mistake. Some mistakes we can live with like losing money. But others...like losing you. You can't live with that burden."

"So why is grandpa making that into an entire state's burden mom?"

"I wouldn't know Morty... If I knew..."

Beth tears up

"Maybe Rick wouldn't have left. Watch you grow into a sweet boy... or maybe I'm wrong. But I wish he'd just tell me."

Meanwhile as newcasters show the forecast. Its a wavy spiral with Rick's face and recordings hear a crackling sound "Hurricane RRIIICCCKKKK!!!"

A woman newscaster says meteorologists have decided to call it Hurricane Irma. Faintly you can hear Rick saying "fuck you..."

As the hurricane gets closer people panic. Boarding up their houses. In large traffic lines waiting for gas that isn't there. People in storms arguing over the last loaves of bread. One guy looks around in the store and throws down the loaf of bread.

"This is stupid... why am I so worried? What? So I can turn around and go back to my shit job? Pay a bunch of stupid bills?"

Another guy pushes him

"What about your kids fool?!"

Another guy defends him.

"My kids were taken by my cunt ex wife...shes safe in Conneticut getting plowed by some black guy named Wayne."

Another guy rips off his shirt.

"Why do I gotta putup with all this shit yet can't even say poop on the internet without some bastard mod banning me?!"

Everyone starts agreeing in droves and marches out of the store. Unprecedented...the news shows up and asks what is going on. One Floridian says they have collectively decided life is just too hard. Too many worries, too many bad choices to live with...we one way or another have to make them so they are ours to make uninterrupted. So if we are gonna get fired from our jobs for saying poop than mods need to back the fuck off and let us say poop. Thats how we reach a point beyond prejudice.

Later that day the governor holds a conference adjusting his tie...drinking a glass of water... than says

"All women are poop. Even the trannies... If you wanna impeach me go right ahead. If no thot wants to touch my pickle again after this go right ahead... But ill be DAMNED if I get banned for saying that on Twitter."

All of them raise their fists "YEAH!!!"

People march in the streets breaking into houses of moderatots. Three guys pull out some fat bearded guy in a fedora, pour gasoline, and burn him alive to Marilyn Manson's black collar song.

Morty looks over at Beth while they watch it on television.

"Oh thats why he did it...ok that makes sense."


End file.
